He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
