Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
