Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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