Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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