I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
