your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
