I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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