The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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