I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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