I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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