hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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