oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
