I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
