tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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