i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
