i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
