Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
