Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
