My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
