i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
