I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
