sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
