if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
