she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
