This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize