Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
