I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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