Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Boobs speak an international language.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize