What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Boobs speak an international language.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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