He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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