Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We just shotgunned beers for America
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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