I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
