I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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