please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
