Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
