she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
