ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
