The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
