i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
