And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
