I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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