My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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