You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sorry about my life...
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