my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
