I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
