Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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