I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I understand Curling. That high.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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