you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
