New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I didn't notice because vodka
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
