I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
