wakey wakey hands off snakey
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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