I wish I could teleport
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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