I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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