You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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