I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
