hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
