he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize