Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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