Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize