i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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