just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize