That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You smell like stripper and shame
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
