Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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