Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
