Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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