he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
