I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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