Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize