Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
