My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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