my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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