did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
