its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
