if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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