im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
