I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
