never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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