And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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