If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's never too late to be topless.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
