Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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