Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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