Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
