Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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