Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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