U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
