Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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