I CAN MOONWALK!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize