You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
