Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
