Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize