This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
