it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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