shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
