I want you more than these girls want KFC
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
