Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
