ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
