I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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