She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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