No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
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