i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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