I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
