ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
