he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
