Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize