I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
