Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
