they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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