You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
