is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
