umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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