Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have fence marks all over my body
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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