was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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