I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
